I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
