I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
