I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
