So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
