I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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