not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize