Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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