You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
