Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
