Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
