don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
