will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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