Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
