Can i not drive my cunt home
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
