There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize