Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
