Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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