My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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