Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
