If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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