I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize