is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I didn't notice because vodka
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
