had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
