the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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