belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
