Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
