wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm always down for nudity.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
