I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize