Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
