The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
