she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found the puke drawer
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize