just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
