i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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