I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
