Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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