im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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