I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
