So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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