I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
