wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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