You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
