You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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