Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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