Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
