My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
