I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
