btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
