Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
