I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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