We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
