you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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