Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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