How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
