you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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