I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
