Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
