not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
