I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
