For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
