Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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