o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
