Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
