The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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