I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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