Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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