I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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