How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
