I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
