i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
