Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He? As in you personified your dick?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
